Dear Closet Fat Shamers,
This blog post has been weighing on my heart for a few weeks and it’s been hard to write because it is a vulnerable topic that generates strong opinions. I will preface this with the simple statement that I am writing these words from a place of love so I hope you read them as such. I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t believe but I am the kind of person that wants to help educate people if they are unintentionally offending someone. So here goes.
In the last two weeks I have had to block account after account on social media for blatant fat shaming. What scares me is that I don’t think the people creating the content are intentionally trying to hurt anyone, but they are. Fat shaming has two faces. The person who outwardly trolls people (yuck, don’t ever be that human) and the more lethal version, the person who doesn’t know any better. The second is usually disguised as the person who wants you to be healthier, encourages you to participate in a different life style or wants “better” for you. They come across the screen hidden behind a curtain of concern for your health, appearance or a plethora of other reasons.
The post usually sport a very sad “before” photo on one side and a joyful “after” photo on the other. The caption reads something like “Sally has reclaimed her health after losing 45 pounds! Give her a shout out!”. Or “John has really been working hard on his appearance, way to take back your swag!”. The post may vary in severity but the two common pieces are:
In the before photo they are portrayed as fat, unhappy and unhealthy
In the after photo they are portrayed as skinnier, happier and assumed healthier
Do you see why that’s a problem? Even though these posts come across as a celebration, the underlying message is that only a thin body is allowed to be happy. Only a thin body is allowed to be healthy. Only a thin body is worthy of the pride and joy shown in the after photo. The root of the issue is that we have no idea if Jane was healthy before but as a society we assume that smaller is healthier. For John, we couldn’t compliment his appearance before because that is only reserved for smaller bodies. To add insult to injury, people then feed into the narrative with praise, ultimately validating the message that thinner is better. This is a problem.
People are going to have different opinions and reactions to what I just said. I’m ok with that. The argument is usually the same. You don’t want better for Sally and John? You don’t want to celebrate them? You don’t want them to live a healthier life style? Or be happier? My answer is yes to all of it! The difference is, I want to celebrate them no matter what the exterior looks like. I never want anyones happiness to be tied to the antiquated opinion our society has formed that they can only achieve those things with a smaller body. I want to help people see that there can be so MUCH joy, pride and happiness in whatever body you are currently living. This shouldn’t be a luxury reserved for only what society sees as thin.
I write all this to help people see that when a “before” photo is posted, it implies THAT body is not worthy. This is a slippery slope because you are promoting the message that anyone in that size body is not worthy. Stop and close your eyes here with me. Think about who in your life has a body that looks like yours or is bigger. Is it your daughter, your son, your wife, your aunt, your grandma, someone you love, someone you respect? If the answer is yes, this is your chance to change the narrative and I am lovingly inviting you to start.
What you post, the words that you use and how you talk about yourself do just as much harm to those around you. If your words about your body are negative and you love someone who has a larger body, you are DEFINITELY doing damage and that person will most likely never tell you. They will just hide it away in their brain under the file tab “they hate their small body so I can’t imagine what they think of my bigger body”. Even though you are not openly fat shaming them, you unintentionally are from the comfort of your closet.
Words matter, images matter and what you say about your body or other bodies matters. A simple thing like a before and after photo can do so much unintended harm. Society tells us that smaller is better and it’s time to rewrite that ending. If you are guilty of shaming from your safe space, it’s ok. Society did it’s job and trained you well. If you didn’t know any better, you do now and please accept this as a form of forgiveness. All I ask is that you acknowledge your part and don’t continue to feed into the cycle. It can change and having the knowledge to do so is the way out.
Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in.
Cheers and Love,
Katelyn