Raleigh

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The Boudoir Equivalent to a "Spend The Night Bag" | Packing the Perfect Boudoir Bag

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Is it the night before your boudoir shoot and you have no clue what you’re supposed to bring for the big day? Keep on reading to learn the must haves to pack in what we like to call your “spend the night bag.” Are you the type to pack four bags for a weekend trip or the type to throw a couple things in a backpack and call it a day? Whichever you are, we’ll tell you everything to bring and why! Now, let me be your guide.

Let’s start simple with the one or two looks you need to bring for your session. As you know, you are more than welcome to borrow looks from the extensive client closet in our studio, but we do ask that you have one or two looks! My number one recommendation is always going to be your favorite bra and panty set! Bring something that makes you feel so comfy, so sexy, so fine. Need to order something? Make sure to check out our lingerie buying guide! A simple set creates timeless photos and can even be worn under one of the fluffy robes we have in studio! Whether laid across a bed or posing upright wrapped in a sheet, a simple bra and pantie set will give you the relaxed look you’re going for.

Let’s say you can’t find that classic bra and panty set, then what? Well, how about a big oversized sweater? Your favorite jamies? Or that large t-shirt of your partners that you sleep in every single night! All of those bring the cozy vibes we are looking for and allows us to get photos from all different perspectives of you. There are so many vibes you can bring to a shoot and why not try a few of them out? Let's get that sexy bombshell and then transition to your sweet side. What does a comfy outfit look like for you? In my world it’s either my favorite sweats that accentuate my booty with a tank top! Bring what makes you feel like a cozy bad ass.

Now that we have the wardrobe pieces packed, let’s chat about the accessories. In the studio wardrobe there are a few options for jewelry to borrow, but make sure to pack the earrings, bracelets and sparkly things that make you feel delicious. There are no wrong answers when it comes to bobbles and it is better to be over packed. Also make sure you are packing any heels, boots or footwear you want to wear during your shoot. A high heel can spice up any outfit so bring those smutty heels you can’t walk in. We will put them to great use! Lastly, throw in any significant accessories that might personalize your sessions. If you are doing this as a wedding gift, bring your veil! Have a special tie your partner loves? Bring it. Have a piece of fabric that holds a special memory? Let’s include it. This is where you can get creative and spice up the session in a way that is genuine and authentic to you!

Ok, so we have the wardrobe and accessories knocked out, so let's talk about that glow. Hopefully you’ve already read the “Pre Shoot Do’s and Don'ts” blog but if you haven’t, make sure to read that next! Taking care of your skin before a shoot is so important! So when you moisturize the night before your shoot, throw all that stuff in your bag to have on hand at your session. Think lotion, chapstick, dry oil or anything that you use to keep you skin hydrated and glowing. Fun tip, applying chapstick about an hour before you apply lipstick (if you choose) will keep the color from cracking. Especially if you go with a matte lip. Moisturized and supple skins photographs really well so come prepared with all the goodies!

Cosmetics time! When you get to your shoot, hair and makeup will need to be photoshoot ready, but touch ups will for happen throughout the session. Not only are these sessions pretty long, but you also have to remember that we will be changing, trying lingerie on and moving about so it is bound to get a little messy. Most people have a to-go bag of makeup so bring that if you have it, otherwise think of the essentials like mascara, eyebrow pencils, foundation, concealer, blush, contour, lipstick etc. Anything that can move or get smudged needs to be in the bag. Better safe than sorry.

I also highly, highly endorse false lashes for your photoshoot. They add so much to your look on and off camera. I know that when I wear lashes, I feel like I can conquer the world. Don’t know how to apply lashes but you want to wear them for your shoot? Practice makes perfect. Buy a set or two of cheap false lashes and pull up a youtube tutorial! My favorite is, “False Eyelashes 101: Select, Apply, Remove, Clean” by Emily Noel. I usually skip to about 3min 30sec into the video. Just remember that if you are wearing false lashes, you HAVE TO BRING the glue with you. Those little guys can be super squirmy, so the glue is a safety precaution. That is a must have in your boudie bag.

Lastly, let’s chat about hair. If you are like me, I never know what to do with my hair. If you don’t want to think about any of this, you can for sure add hair and makeup with one of our preferred vendors. But if you’re doing your own hair, don’t forget your styling tools! Whether straight or curly, you’ll want to make sure you have everything you need for touch ups. Bring your favorite curling iron or straightener to maintain the look you want through your session. We play with hair a lot here and I am on board for that messy “bed head” look, but some people aren't. Toss some hair products in your bag for the finishing touches and you’re good to go!

My biggest tip: make a list of everything you need to pack. As you pack your bag, cross each item off the list and double check that you have everything! I also send you a welcome guide when you book your session, so make sure to read through that and pack the night before your session. A calm, cool and relaxed morning is the best way to prep for your shoot! If you have any additional questions email me at katelyn@katelynscott.com, I would be happy to help!

Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in.

Love,

Samantha and Katelyn, the Embrace All Bodies team





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Pre-Shoot Do’s And Dont’s | From a Raleigh Boudoir Company

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In the days leading up to your shoot, you may be lost on how to prepare. That’s totally normal my friend! Don’t worry, I’m here to help. In the week leading up to a photoshoot there are some things you can do to boost your confidence and guide you to the shoot of your dreams. Remember, this day will be all about you, your unique body, and your vibrant spirit. Now let's jump into some of the do’s and dont’s for preparing for your shoot!

Let’s start with skincare. What’s your skincare routine? You might have your daily routine and maybe a regime you use before a big event. Don’t stray from what you know. New products and methods can aggravate your skin and result in a complexion that may not make you feel like your most confident self. Things like exfoliating and moisturizing add a glow you can feel. I know that after a good exfoliation and moisture I walk around feeling beautiful and powerful! Another question for you. Do you get spray tans? If so, it’s a good idea to get that tan refreshed before your shoot. Just make sure you give it a few days if you will be working with white sheets. If you are not a regular at the tanning salon, it’s recommended that you don’t experiment with spray tans before your shoot as you might not be as happy with the outcome. Remember, your most authentic self shines the brightest!

When it comes to hair and makeup, it’s important to express yourself. If you want to go full glam, go for it! Don’t forget we also love to see a bare faced beauty. To glam or not to glam is up to you! If you decide to wear makeup, overdo it a little. The camera loves when you make it a little more dramatic. Choose the look you love and run with it! Long haired loves, loose curls are a fan favorite. Short haired friends, we love when you go with your usual style. For those doing their own hair and makeup, make sure to have it done before you walk into the studio. If you go the route of using a professional hair and makeup artist, make sure to have clean hair and a clean face. It’s way easier to work with. You’re going to look and feel amazing. 

Don’t forget to feed that body! You might be tempted to skip a meal before your shoot but remember: food is fuel and you are using a lot of mental and physical energy when you're workin’ it in the studio. Our bodies change throughout the day as we eat and drink and that's totally okay! To be honest, I love when I have a food baby. It reminds me that I am taking care of my body, the only oneI have. If you decide to exercise in the days leading up to your shoot, take it easy. You don’t want to be crazy sore while posing for that camera. I want you to have the most comfortable experience possible.

The most important thing when it comes to your shoot is that you’re comfortable, empowered, and representing your beautifully authentic self. I hope this article gave you some helpful information for the next time you step into the studio! Be strong, be vibrant, be you. I know you’ll crush this shoot.  

Embrace all Bodies, especially the one that you are in.

Love,

Samantha and Katelyn, the Embrace All Bodies team




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You Booked a Boudoir Shoot....Now What

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Alright, you paid your session fee, you have a date set….now what. Well let me start by saying congrats on taking a huge step into the unknown. If you have never done a shoot like this it can be incredibly scary, and guess what, that’s exactly how most people feel. Trying new things and stepping onto the path toward body neutrality is hard shit, but you are here and I am so fiercely proud of you. All those jittery nerves and fear will soon turn to excitement, I promise.

First and foremost, let’s get one thing real straight. I know the world that we live in tells you that your body can only look a certain kind of way to be worthy of a shoot like that. I want to debunk that myth well in advance of your session because your body IS worthy of these images no matter what society says. These kind of shoots are not reserved for any particular body type. You have a body and it is good. So let’s get your cute ass in front of the camera so I can show you how gorgeous the world sees you.

Next, we need to talk about weight loss, dieting or fasting before your session. I could talk your face off with all the reasons you should never diet, but that is for another blog. Just know that your body is worthy right now. Look down and love on that cute belly roll or hip crease because like it or not, she is coming to your shoot too. The flesh bag that carries your soul through this life is fucking gorgeous and is so damn worthy of having sexy pictures taken of it. Stressing yourself out about dieting or losing weight before your session is the opposite of what you should be doing. This shoot and moment in time is really special and should be a launch pad into the world of body neutrality and acceptance. That doesn’t happen if you think your body is only valid if it’s smaller. So stop counting calories, stop with the diet pills or excessive exercise. Just show up and be present in the beautiful body you currently live in.

Now that both of those important points have been addressed let’s get into the nuts and bolts of your fears. Posing. I hear from every single person that books that they don’t know how to pose “sexy”. Before getting into this industry that was a huge hang up for me to actually book a session as well, so I get it. That is why I am here! Not only am I going to hype you allllll the way up from the second you walk in my door, but it is my job to make sure you look fabulous during the shoot. Before we even start shooting, I walk you through all the tips and tricks to posing and then throughout the session I chatter at you the whole time. There is never a time that I leave you hanging or let you feel uncomfortable. I promise. So let that fear slip from your mind because you don’t need to carry that weight around. If you want a behind the scenes look at what a shoot looks like, visit my amazing friend Rebecca’s YouTube page and see her vlog on a session with me.

Last fear I will address before we talk about prep is wardrobe. As a plus size human, I know the struggle of finding things that fit and make you feel sexy. If you are new to this space, I always like to remind people that I have an ENTIRE wardrobe of clothes and pieces that range in sizes from XS-6X. If you are local to the area, come and see what fits in the wardrobe before you actually go shopping. The wardrobe is included with every single shoot and is a great way to save a little money on this experience. If nothing there tickles your fancy, my best recommendation is to always keep it simple. You have no idea how sexy a white tee and some undies is!! Embrace all that you are and play off the stuff you currently have in your wardrobe. If you truly don’t have something you love, I can point you to the stores I shop from for my in-house wardrobe and you can find that list here! There is no right or wrong answer! Make sure it fits, makes you feel empowered and is accessible on the day of your shoot.

I will wrap up this blog with my last little tips and tricks on prep. People often times think they need to be buffed, waxed and spackled for their shoot and that is just not the case. The number one thing I recommend is to do what you have been normally doing every day of your life. Do NOT go out and get a spray tan if you have never gotten one. Don’t get a Brazilian wax or do something crazy with your eyebrows. What all of these things set you up for is failure. If you don’t know how your body is going to respond to these things, you should NOT add them into the mix. These things cannot be edited out and can actually lead to having to postpone a session. Just not worth it. What I do recommend prior to your shoot is lots of water, yummy food, self care through a bath or face mask (that you have been using) or a relaxing mani pedi. You should come in looking and feeling rested so don’t go out and rage the night before. Boudoir is hard work so be ready and prepared to laugh a whole lot, roll around, wiggle, dance and have an amazing time.

I am so proud of you for deciding to love the skin you are in and I am honored to be walking this journey with you. If you have further questions or want to talk about booking a session, drop me an email at katelyn@katelynscott.com.

Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in!

Katelyn

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Embrace All Bodies | Dear Closet Fat Shamers

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Dear Closet Fat Shamers,

This blog post has been weighing on my heart for a few weeks and it’s been hard to write because it is a vulnerable topic that generates strong opinions. I will preface this with the simple statement that I am writing these words from a place of love so I hope you read them as such. I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t believe but I am the kind of person that wants to help educate people if they are unintentionally offending someone. So here goes.

In the last two weeks I have had to block account after account on social media for blatant fat shaming. What scares me is that I don’t think the people creating the content are intentionally trying to hurt anyone, but they are. Fat shaming has two faces. The person who outwardly trolls people (yuck, don’t ever be that human) and the more lethal version, the person who doesn’t know any better. The second is usually disguised as the person who wants you to be healthier, encourages you to participate in a different life style or wants “better” for you. They come across the screen hidden behind a curtain of concern for your health, appearance or a plethora of other reasons.

The post usually sport a very sad “before” photo on one side and a joyful “after” photo on the other. The caption reads something like “Sally has reclaimed her health after losing 45 pounds! Give her a shout out!”. Or “John has really been working hard on his appearance, way to take back your swag!”. The post may vary in severity but the two common pieces are:

  1. In the before photo they are portrayed as fat, unhappy and unhealthy

  2. In the after photo they are portrayed as skinnier, happier and assumed healthier

Do you see why that’s a problem? Even though these posts come across as a celebration, the underlying message is that only a thin body is allowed to be happy. Only a thin body is allowed to be healthy. Only a thin body is worthy of the pride and joy shown in the after photo. The root of the issue is that we have no idea if Jane was healthy before but as a society we assume that smaller is healthier. For John, we couldn’t compliment his appearance before because that is only reserved for smaller bodies. To add insult to injury, people then feed into the narrative with praise, ultimately validating the message that thinner is better. This is a problem.

People are going to have different opinions and reactions to what I just said. I’m ok with that. The argument is usually the same. You don’t want better for Sally and John? You don’t want to celebrate them? You don’t want them to live a healthier life style? Or be happier? My answer is yes to all of it! The difference is, I want to celebrate them no matter what the exterior looks like. I never want anyones happiness to be tied to the antiquated opinion our society has formed that they can only achieve those things with a smaller body. I want to help people see that there can be so MUCH joy, pride and happiness in whatever body you are currently living. This shouldn’t be a luxury reserved for only what society sees as thin.

I write all this to help people see that when a “before” photo is posted, it implies THAT body is not worthy. This is a slippery slope because you are promoting the message that anyone in that size body is not worthy. Stop and close your eyes here with me. Think about who in your life has a body that looks like yours or is bigger. Is it your daughter, your son, your wife, your aunt, your grandma, someone you love, someone you respect? If the answer is yes, this is your chance to change the narrative and I am lovingly inviting you to start.

What you post, the words that you use and how you talk about yourself do just as much harm to those around you. If your words about your body are negative and you love someone who has a larger body, you are DEFINITELY doing damage and that person will most likely never tell you. They will just hide it away in their brain under the file tab “they hate their small body so I can’t imagine what they think of my bigger body”. Even though you are not openly fat shaming them, you unintentionally are from the comfort of your closet.

Words matter, images matter and what you say about your body or other bodies matters. A simple thing like a before and after photo can do so much unintended harm. Society tells us that smaller is better and it’s time to rewrite that ending. If you are guilty of shaming from your safe space, it’s ok. Society did it’s job and trained you well. If you didn’t know any better, you do now and please accept this as a form of forgiveness. All I ask is that you acknowledge your part and don’t continue to feed into the cycle. It can change and having the knowledge to do so is the way out.

Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in.

Cheers and Love,

Katelyn

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Embrace all Bodies | These Wings were Built to Fly

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Wings and boudoir. What comes to mind when you think of wings….and boudoir? If you had asked me two years ago I would have said something like “oh those gorgeous fairy wings that are strapped to the backs of the Vicky Secret Angels that float down the runway!” You all know the kind I’m talking about, they are etherial and dainty and not worth a damn in regards to actually flying. Ya, those. The equivalent of a penguin wing. Cute, pretty but completely useless for actually getting off the ground. Today, we are going to chat about wings….but I don’t want to talk about the wings that keep a woman helplessly tied down, I want to talk about the wings that actually help women fly.

When I started this boudoir journey in November of 2017 I had no idea what I was doing. Let’s be honest, who decides to jump into croc infested water with no boat and no paddle? I was a completely green boudoir photographer who didn’t know the first thing about posing, lighting, what makes a woman feel good or where to start. What I DID know was that I was yearning to leave an industry that played into the stereotypical bullshit of what makes a woman pretty. Thin face, flat tummy, big boobs, fake and photoshopped. I would leave a wedding I just shot and ache for the mother of the bride who spent the entire day bashing her appearance. I wanted to hug her and say “sis, your baby girl is getting married today. Put that worry and weight down for a minute and just enjoy the day.” Instead I would get in my truck and hurt. Women wanted me to transform them into something they were not and I just knew something had to change…..so I jumped into that croc infested canyon with faith and hope.

Growing up, women are not taught to jump, let alone fly. We are taught to make smart, calculated decisions. Go to school, get good grades, sneak under the radar, don’t be too big, too messy, too aggressive and the whole time remember to be pretty. Smile so people don’t think you are cold, but don’t smile too big because they may assume something. Fit into the pretty box that society built for you, but for goodness sakes don’t customize that box. Our wings were clipped the day we were born and it has hindered our ability to trust those wings when it comes time to actually fly. It has kept us below that shroud of what society expects and has created a toxic stink that says women will never be good enough just the way they are. I’m here to say fuck that noise. Your wings may be clipped sis, but they aren’t broken. We have wings the size of that dragon on Game of Thrones (nope I don’t watch the show, but those wings looked enormous). Which means we have been told a lie our entire lives. Not only can you jump, but babe we can FLY! Our wings may be clipped but do you really think a dragon that goes around burning cities to the ground is going to notice a little chip in her wing? Nope, she sure as shit isn’t, so channel that inner dragon and spread them wings. It’s time.

Why does this matter to me right now? Here is why. In the last two years I have jumped several times with no regard for the hard landing. I spread my clipped wings on hope and faith that they were going to catch me and guess what…..they did. I have learned to pursue my passion in such a big way that I will absolutely move heaven and earth to help women stretch their big giant dragon wings out and fly. If that means turning away from traditional photography to pursue body positive boudoir, then so be it. If that means presenting women with authentic images in a world that is fake and photoshopped, then so be it. If that means moving to Denver and then back in less than a 6 month period, then so be it. I continue to spread my wings and jump, learning on the way down that I can do anything. Someone has to show the women of our generation just how powerful their wings are so I will make this choice 10 times out of 10 with zero regret. If I can jump and make it work, then so can you…I promise.

If this thought is scary to you, then good. Jumping from anything without the promise of a safety net will make anyones butt clench, but what is your alternative? Stay in a life that is not meant for you? Hide your body so people can’t judge you? Cover up to protect people’s emotions? Keep quiet so no one can judge your opinion? What does that leave you with? Nothing but a sad reality, covered in the slim that society continues to throw our way to keep our wings wet. You are a dragon sis and it’s time for you to start exploring all the tall buildings and mountains and obstacles that you can throw your beautiful self off of just to watch your wings catch you. I jumped into the scary crock infested waters and didn’t get eaten because my wings were there to support me, clipped and all. Whatever your scary canyon is, jump. If that’s sitting for a boudoir session for the first time, asking for a promotion, speaking up rather than staying quite or pursuing another huge dream, just do it!! I am here to soar right along with you and we both know how scary a pissed off woman with wet wings and a chip on her shoulder is. Hang up those fairy wings and strap on your big nasty dragon wings. It’s our time ladies, so let’s spread our wings and conquer the world.

Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in.

Love

Katelyn


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Embrace All Bodies | The International Women's Day Battle

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Guess what day it is babes?!?! Yep, International Women's Day! March 8th, the day of all days. The mack daddy of nationally recognized days. It’s filled with hope, love and encouragement. A 24 hour window where women stand up and support other women, pushing aside any trace of competition or jealousy. Today, there is a place at the table for us, a seat, a dinner plate. We are seen as equals and I can’t even begin to describe how bad ass that is. So why does it feel so shallow? Fleeting and hard to grasp like sand through your fingers. I think it’s because it’s an unsustainable high, the kind you get from too much sugar that inevitably leaves you hungry and hollow.

So today, I would like to unpack this feeling of hollowness because I know I can’t be the only person who feels this way. We live in a world of sneaky inequality. Hidden in the shadows cast from the mountains of progress that have been made thus far for women. We have pushed and worked so tirelessly for equality that some days, like today, we feel on top of the world….until we turn and see that our mountain of progress still pales in comparison to the peaks that our male counter parts have been navigating forever. No shame towards the men in my life, but for once, I would love to know what the air tastes like up there.

As one of my most favorite authors, Brené Brown says “courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Well, here I am world, standing in all my bra burning glory shouting from the rooftops that we still have work to do. On this international day of celebration I will stand in my courage and be seen for all the women who can’t stand one second longer. I will be the voice shouting above the noise for the women who no longer have a voice. I will be the body in the arena that keeps battling for the women who can no longer hold their sword. I will fight and keep fighting until we are seen as equals because it’s time to change the narrative. We deserve those peaks just as much as anyone else in this world and it’s time to keep climbing. Standing in our courage is scary but the alternative to standing and letting our voice be heard is silence, and that terrifies me even more.

We should not live in a world where women need a holiday to celebrate their accomplishments. An international day dedicated to the girl in the back who won the conciliation prize, a pity award for doing our best. Women are doing bad ass things in this world and should be celebrated every damn day. Not just on this glorious day of joy and hope. We should live in a world where this high is sustainable, something that can push us upwards towards greatness and equality, not just be a sugar rush of hope that dissipates and leaves us feeling hollow and alone.

So today, I will enjoy the rush and let this tidal wave of joy wash over me and cleanse my soul. I will embrace all the amazing stories of women doing amazing things, but I will also fight like hell to sustain this high and make sure the women in my world know how special they are 365 days a year. Not just March 8th, but every single day they walk this earth. I will shout and battle and stand my ground because the women I surround myself with deserve that. They deserve to know just how special they are and how worthy they are of equality. Not just today, but every day. Embrace all bodies, all women and all accomplishments. And sis, never ever let your crown fall as you navigate the rocky terrain to the peaks of equality ahead. You are loved, you are worthy and you are enough.

Cheers,

Katelyn

Here are just a few of the many women I chose to battle for. Thanks for being a part of my world.






















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Embrace All Bodies | Raleigh, Durham Boudoir

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Body Positive Boudoir

Raleigh, Durham North Carolina

Have you ever done something that is so exciting it’s actually scary? The kind of thing that makes your palms sweat with fear, or anticipation, or both. When you get in your car to head towards the event and you actually consider turning the thing around and heading home. Well….for most women that is what the beginning of a boudoir session looks like, and let me tell you sis, you aren’t alone.

For the majority of the gorgeous women that sit for me, the thought of making the call to even LOOK into boudoir is a huge step. You are making a decision to get naked with a totally random stranger, and I don’t mean the kind of randomness that happens at 3am in college at a bar. You are going to sit in front of a camera and bare your soul to someone, who for the most part, you have just met. If that statement doesn’t scare the crap out of you then you may actually be a robot. Boudoir is terrifying, but like I tell all the women I work with, that fear is what helps us create magic. When you mix a healthy dose of fear, with a sprinkle of body love and some bad ass vibes you get absolute perfection.

So my advice for all those women who think it’s just too scary to try, it’s not. That fear is really just excitement for what the universe has in store. Change is something people run from, but it’s time for that change. It’s time to take the first step towards body love, to start embracing all the bad-assness that you are. Embrace those bone chilling moments of excitement and fear and know that just on the other side of those emotions is a whole world filled with bodies of all shapes and sized loving themselves for who they are. In all their imperfect perfection. Join the crowd, embrace the suck and ride that scary train into body love town. I promise it will be worth it =)

Embrace all bodies, especially yours!

Love,

Katelyn

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Wearing Failure Like a Crown - Body Love Addition - Raleigh, Durham

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For all those who haven’t met me yet, my name is Katelyn and I am a body positive boudoir photographer in Denver, Colorado. About two months ago I made a decision to uproot my life and relocate to this beautiful city on a few days notice with no real business plan and nothing but a small u-hual, my dog and a fire to succeed. Today, some 60 days after signing my lease on my adorable condo, someone posted a video on facebook about the possibility of failure……ohhhh the irony. So today, I want to debunk the myth that failure is a curse and help open people’s eyes to why failure is such a magical thing. Not just in life or business, but in the pursuit of happiness. So hold onto your britches babes, because this theory may actually knock your bra off.

Failure….that dreaded word no one wants to be associated with for fear of being the black sheep, the outcast, the damned, the broken. Most commonly used when you have elegantly fallen on your face, or in my case, not so gracefully slipped on a piece of ice and hit every step on the way down. To fail means a lack of success or an omission of expected or required action. Failure then, for all intents and purposes, is a negative word. A slur to be hurled like fire, intended to cut deep and cause substantial harm. I am here to tell you that it’s time to change the narrative and wear your failure like the crown it is. Full of hope, potential and growth. So straighten that crown sis, hold your head up high and hear me when I say failure is something to celebrate!

Let’s take it all the way back to the days of diapers and learning how to walk. When a baby first starts to pull themself up, they look like a giraffe who just learned about their legs. It is ugly, messy and usually a little scary. Pretty soon, they learn to take assisted steps holding onto anything they can. Even with assistance a baby falls a hundred times over, but never ever gives up. They want to walk so bad they endure bumps, bruises and scrapes to succeed. Their will to win the walking game is so intense, they look past all the obstacles to take their first shaky steps. Once those pudgy little legs succeed with steps they push on to walk, then run, then skip and play. At no point do they look around and say, na, this failing thing just isn’t for me. Not today Susan, I am just going to sit here and look cute. Nope, a baby pushes themselves to the edge, completely unafraid and unaware of the word failure, because to them, it’s not an option.

At some point in our development this lack of fear starts to dissipate. We become hesitant, afraid and nervous to try new things. It may be upbringing, environment or first hand experience, but it’s as if we were burned by the flame and now too afraid to jump into the fire. For most people, that means not trying new things because it is easier to remain stagnant than it is to fail. The net spreads wide and thick with all the reasons why we shouldn’t do something because we may fail and frankly, I am just not here for that mentality. My favorite athlete of all time, Michael Jordan, once said “I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.“ Y’all! Think about failing at something more than once and getting up again, let alone 9,000 times.

To me, when I fail, it is a testament to the fact that I am in the arena trying. I am failing forward and learning what not to do at every step of the way. My “failure” is my success forward. When I fail, it means I had the guts to at least try. As the amazing Brené Brown puts it “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming.” Is it scary to stand in our vulnerability and stare failure in the face? Hell yes, but what is the alternative? Live a life of unfulfilled dreams, stagnant in a journey you hate or body you despise? You can miss me with that mess because I would rather fail miserably in a fire of glory than never have tried at all.

You may be wondering why failure is something I am talking about on a boudoir website and I will make this very simple and to the point. When a woman takes the first step in the direction of loving her body it is vulnerable and scary. It is a path marred with bumps and bruises and hard times. She will fail miserably some days and succeed gloriously others. We are conditioned from birth to hate the body we are in and it is easy to stay in that space. It takes vulnerability and bravery to face the unknown but I am asking that, just like that baby learning to walk, face it with a determination so big that nothing will stop you. Take 9,000 missed shots but never stop trying to love the being you are. Strive valiantly and come up short a millions times, but wipe that blood and sweat off your face and keep fighting. Why? Because you are worth it. Because you deserve it and it’s about damn time.

Fail over and over and over again and wear that crown with a pride and joy so big that no one can take it from you. Embrace the suck and keep getting up. Move 1,600 miles away from a place you feel safe with the possibility of failure nipping at your heals because the alternative is to stay stagnant. Try loving a body you hate and fail, because when you do that, it is a testament to the fact that you are trying. No one expects life or this body love journey to be easy, but surround yourself with an army of women who are failing with you. Know you’re not alone and never ever give up. Want it more than you want to breath and keep failing until you are standing on a mountain top of failed attempts. Look back down on those moments of failure and know you kept moving when you wanted to quit. You are not alone and know that these amazing women are with you and most importantly I am here holding you hand and failing right along side you. Embrace the suck, embrace your failure and embrace the journey. You are so worthy of this effort and support. Embrace all bodies, especially the one you are in.

Love,

Katelyn

Cheers to just a few of the amazing women who have allowed me to walk through this body love journey with them. To each of you who have trusted me along the way, thank you. You are so loved.

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Embrace All Bodies | Raleigh, Durham Body Positive Boudoir - Body Love Is For All Women

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A Story About Me

Raleigh, Durham Body Positive Boudoir - Body Love Is For All Women

Take a long hard look at that body pictured above. Make sure to take in all the rolls, dimples, sweet meat and curves. To some, this may be a picture of beauty, to others it may be a shame trigger that plays into their own fear and vulnerability. In my eyes, I see a woman sitting in her power, basking in the truth that she is enough. Yes, I know it’s me and that may be a biased opinion, but y’all, it has taken a long time to be able to show this side of me to the world. A. Long. Ass. Time. Body positivity is not easy nor for the faint of heart. Trust me, I used to be my biggest critic. I grew up as a larger than normal human and the concept of “body positive” missed me. The boat sailed on that journey and I didn’t even know where the dang harbor was to get on the ship. In my eyes, body positive was reserved for the people who actually had “nice bodies” that were worthy of love.

I’m going to be real honest and raw in this blog and it is going to rub some people wrong. I am ok with that. I have spent a lot of my days trying to make myself smaller to fit into the box that society says women should fit into. We all know that box, it looks so neat and clean from the outside. Just small enough to not be noticeable. Never a crazy color. And NEVER too loud. Well sis, let me tell you, to me that box has always felt like the Fat Guy in a Little Coat scene from the movie Tommy Boy. If I finally got myself in the box then the back blew out, or the side smooshed open, or the folds gave out. Until I started this journey, I spent a lot of time worried about how I was going to shrink my being to fit the box, when in reality I just needed to order a bigger damn box.

This story starts back in the days of elementary school when, in the 3rd grade, I wore a woman’s size 9 shoe and was shopping in the old lady section because all the cute little girl stuff was either too small or not long enough. I was a head taller than almost every boy in my grade and the next three grades above me. I towered over my best friends who were all so little and adorable. They could go to sleep overs and share clothes, play dress up with their life size Barbies and buy matching best friend shirts. When we finally did find those gross jelly shoes everyone wore in the 90’s in my size, it was like a rare gem stone. So much so that my mom nearly killed herself falling into Trinity Lake to save one, and no I can’t make this stuff up. Looking back as an adult, I know just how amazing my parents were through this weird time, but it didn’t matter. I was an outlier. Not one of the cool girls because I couldn’t physically fit myself into the mold….I was just too big.

Fast forward through the horrible days of junior high when we started to notice boys for the first time. I was the girl who played sports and rough housed with all the dudes, not someone they saw as an option to date. I will never forget the horrible feeling of getting up the nerve to ask Sean out and have it spread like fire through the school that he shot me down. Why? Well in my brain it was because I was a big fat ass who was too loud and sweat too much. At that age what did it matter what the real reason was? I was standing in my wilderness all alone and couldn’t see through the trees.

Skip to High School when I grew several inches over the summer and was playing travel ball. I went from the 180 pound undatable girl to a 5’10” stunner who was squeezing into a size 4 jean. Yep, I weighed in at 135 pounds and was nearly the same height I am today. My shirts were a medium and I could shop for jeans at the stores my friends did. Man I thought I was hot shit. In my brain I had figured out the secret formula to fit into the box. Eat less and work yourself to death. Literally. If I ate something bad during the day I would throw myself to the ground and do sit ups. I spent hours of my life with my shirt pulled up looking in the mirror to make sure you could still see my hip bones. I fit into the mold and it was all happening for me. Boys started to notice me. Girls in the hall would stop me and tell me how good I looked. Things like “on wow what did you do over the summer? You look amazing” were being thrown around and it fueled an unhealthy desire to stay the size I was. It got so bad that through my sophomore year I stopped having a period….but I fit in the box for the first time of my life.

Jump to the junior college years when I was playing basketball, living on my own and progressing the unhealthy habits I had started in high school. I was in the best shape of my life and still fell into a trap of feeling soooooo inadequate. It lead me to make horrible decisions about who I dated and things I did because I was just craving the high of fitting in. Same thing happened at my four year college. Physically, I couldn’t have been in a better place and it was never enough. I was eating the garbage that society was cramming down my throat and didn’t know any better. Looking back now my heart hurts for that girl. She was broken and sad and covered it all with a positive spin and a smile. Fake it till you make it. It was all I ever knew.

That brings me to the here and now. As dark as those days were, there was a lot of light that broke through the clouds. I had an amazing support system in my parents and never once did I feel pressure from them to look a certain way. That allowed me the opportunity to learn from a safe and comfortable place that no matter how you slice it, society has a messed up standard for what is expected of us. It’s not fair or right and I am here to tell you that as unhealthy as my journey was, I made it out the other side. Going through that has given me the opportunity to reach back and help women that are stuck in the quick sand spiral of body shaming….because until about a year and a half ago I was sitting in the same pool drinking the hate martini’s right with you. I get it sis.

The good news, the Body Positive movement has officially started and wahoo for that! Women are finally learning that they can give themselves the permission they never had to love themselves. The box that society hands you can be returned for a larger size, or shape, or color. If that doesn’t make you want to kick up your heals and put your sexy undies on I don’t know what will. It is our time and that is something more magical than Michael B Jordan in Creed (insert drooling unicorn emoji). Society does not have the right to dictate what your meter is for acceptance. That is something you can control and THAT is a powerful thing.

I want to wrap this up with a very clear and uplifting message. There is not just one type of body that is allowed the freedom to express body love or body positivity. By my definition this applies to all women who have experienced hatred for their being. Fat, skinny, tall, short, wide, broad, narrow, saggy, tight, this movement is for ALL women…ESPECIALLY those that have walked through a similar journey, stood in their wilderness and felt alone. Through my lens, you don’t have to be a certain size to hate your body, that hate is size blind, vicious and needs no help from us. So instead of fighting about who can or can’t be a part of this movement, let us take a moment and just encourage all women to love themselves unconditionally. Body positivity is for me, you and every woman in this word who is ready to buck the system. Stand tall pretty girl and bask in the power that comes from self acceptance. You are so worthy of this love.

Embrace ALL bodies, especially the one you are in!


Love always,

Katelyn